by SR-71A
As of 01 November 2008, this site will be offline permanently.
In tribute to the 8 years of ASBS' existence, the website is available as a an archive here.
Information on a new IRC channel being formed by can be found here.
Certainly not because of pressure from those ignorantly claiming this site was "pro-suicide", nor for fear of legal action or by any attempts to intimidate the owner.
Simple truth: Far more people are alive than dead because of this site and the sense of family it fosters among its community's members.
ASBS is going offline simply because it is time for me to move on. While I will continue to enjoy the company of ASBSers, I no longer rely on the community for the support that was once so very vital to my daily survival. The persons I have met over the years will remain my friends and I will always consider them family.
ASBS evolved over 8 years into a privately built and maintained IRC server, a collaborative and complex website and an ever larger posting forum. While I have had a good deal of assistance over these last 8 years, the majority of these tasks and responsibilities have remained with me. This level of responsibility, coupled with the inherently taxing emotional nature involved in supporting those around me all these years has taken its toll.
I have reached a place where my depression is stable; I must move on and live the life that's been given back to me after 36 years of severe clinical depression.
While the posting forums are gone forever, certain members of the ASBS IRC channel have chosen to form a depression support group channel. Note, this is not a pro-choice suicide chat. Many of the channel regulars will congregate there, and new persons seeking support are encouraged to explore the link below to find out more.
Details on the new channel and its location can be found here.
ASBS started as an IRC channel in late 2000. The two ASHers who were primarily responsible for the creation of the channel on DALnet (stbdchick) and the channel website (ibup200), got married and moved on with their lives. I was asked, and assumed responsibility of the channel and website in March of 2001.
By that time, I too had met and married another ASHer, ODTucker. He encouraged me to take the channel and website as "a good managerial experience". I was mortified (all puns intended). I simply did not want to see ASBS disappear, because I knew it had kept me and many others alive during the darkest times in our lives. So, I pushed on trying to do my best to do honor to those before me... all the way back to the "original" ASHers of the Usenet newsgroup and ash.xanthia.com days, honoring the "pro-choice" stance that is the cornerstone of the ASH philosophy.
At the time I assumed responsibility for the channel and website, the site was still an offshoot of the ASH site on xanthia.com and the channel still hosted on DALnet. In the early parts of 2002, I was given the domain as a gift by my stepson, BrainLifter (also an ASHer). The site was then transferred from xanthia to ashbusstop.org, where it remained until October 2008.
After obtaining the domain and our own webspace, I was approached by everdawn, one of the original authors of the ASH FAQ. He had been hosting a good number of the original ASH pages on a geocities site and we decided to collaborate and combine the content of both websites. The result is what you have come to know as ashbusstop.org, and the vast majority of what constitutes the archived site.
In the realm of IRC, DALnet continued to be a snake pit of trolls, hecklers and netsplits complete with hostile takeovers. With the help and encouragement of flawd, `6 and later xbx, the ASBS IRC server was born and thrived. I hosted and maintained this server on my own connection from 2002 - 2008. It provided a private network that ensured that those accessing it were there for the right reasons.
In mid-2002, the state of the Usenet newsgroup, alt.suicide.holiday was no longer a safe place for suicidals to post without fears of taunting, trolling, stalking and the like. I decided to install and begin the ASBS webboard to help re-establish the environment of trust and openness I had remembered from late 2000, when I had found ASH a haven. At the time of its closing in September of 2008, it had over 1500 members, 12,000 posts and remained pristine. No trolls, no reporters and no D**g.
As could be expected, with our own domain, relatively large website and private server... I started to get a good deal of email from reporters and various other sorts. At times, I spent 16 - 18 hrs a day on ASBS, whether it be doing maintenance of the site or server, working on registrations for the webboard, etc. I did approximately 5 interviews with the media and turned down far more than that. (I will add links and complete texts of these as I have time) and answered many emails from researchers and others inquisitive as to our philosophy.
Throughout my tenure as "head" of ASBS, I had the pleasure of meeting and talking with so many wonderful people who found us for the same reasons I had come to ASH in late 2000: life was too much, pain was overwhelming. Psychology, psychiatrists and meds had failed to make anything better. The only way to end the pain was to leave this life and seek peace. All we needed was a place to talk about our feelings openly and without fear of judgment or the threat of hospitalization for merely expressing suicidal ideation. By simply providing that place, many people will attest they are alive today.
It was customary for me to greet newcomers to the channel via private message and ask them gently their reasons for coming to us. In this way, I became very close to a great number of people over the years. This remains the single most redeeming part of being a part of ASBS. There are quite literally hundreds of people who have touched my life, my heart and my soul. Many of them provided me with the strength to go on, despite the trials and tribulations of my own life. I have built familial bonds with people from all over the globe and these people will remain as family for the rest of my life.
ASHers rule, period. If you aren't one of us..... you'll never, ever get it. Do not condemn what you cannot understand.
In conclusion, why am I leaving ASBS? I married ODTucker on 06 Feb 2001. We had our troubles, divorced and remarried... and he died on 14 Sept 2005 of lung cancer. I was again at the end of my proverbial rope when yet another ASHer, emc2kc, offered me a way to move away from the dark pit my life had become. I was still living in the same apartment I had shared with, cared for and watched my husband die in. After much encouragement from emc2kc, I decided to take him up on his offer of being roommates. At the time, I had considered suicide as my only option. I was depressed, unable to work and devoid of self-worth.
Yet again, ASH saved my life.
Since that move in Jan 07, my life has turned around completely. I now have a job that I adore.... and am soon to re-marry. And yes, I am getting married to another ASHer, someone whom I've known for over 7 years. We look forward to spending our lives together, knowing all the while we have ASH to thank for our good fortune.
None of this new life I have could have been possible without the existence of ASH and ASBS, and most importantly its members. I want to extend my most heartfelt gratitude to all those hundreds of people with whom I have had the pleasure of talking to over these last 8 years. I want to thank each person who volunteered even a few moments of their time in the name of helping ASBS or donated to help offset operating costs.
I have had the supreme honor of meeting 14 ASHers in person over the years, and each time it felt like I was meeting some long lost relative.... an instant sense of family.
In summary: I have been very honored to served the ASBS community, as I and many others have greatly benefited from its existence. I wish you all peace.
-- SR-71A
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